Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Genius Baby?

I always say that the little monster calls me Umna.  That's the sound he makes when he desperately wants me or something from me.  He'll make it when trying to hurl himself out of Mr. Wolfman's arms and into mine, or if he wants food and I'm not getting the boob out fast enough.

Yesterday, Mr. Wolfman came into the room carrying the monster and said to him, "[Monster], who is it?" pointing at me.  To which the little monster said, "Umna".

We both know it was (probably) a fluke, but we both heard it, clear as day, and it was amazing.

Aaaand Fail.

Some history:  About a week ago, the day after a massive emotional breakdown, I was very happy to meet a neighbour with a little one a couple of months older than the little monster.  She's also a SAHM, and is also isolated and suffering from perma-cabin fever.  So we basically decided to be friends, instead of becoming friends.  We exchanged numbers and agreed to go for walks together when the weather is nice.

Yesterday, I had arranged with my sister to meet at the park.  She said she'd be there in about an hour, which, as she showed up a full hour late to our last get-together, I didn't worry about.  I remembered some chores I had to do at the last minute, so I didn't beat her to the park.  I left the house the same time that she texted to say she was on her way.

After pushing the stroller through slush, I arrived at the park about 25 mins later, in time to see her text me again.  I didn't look at the text, just went over to her.  My brother in law already had the truck running and one kid inside, she went to talk to him and then said we could walk to the grocery store.  So I got to follow my sister around while she bought cereal and chocolate milk.  What a treat! Her husband came to get her, and I pushed the little monster home.

On the way home, my new friend texted to see if I wanted to come by, but we ended up arranging to meet today, after 1.  At 2:30, she texted to see when, and I said I was ready.  Her baby was sleeping.  Then she woke up, but needed to eat.  Then she finished eating, and we were going to meet outside.  It took me about 15 mins to get the little monster ready, got out there, no sign of my friend.  A few minutes later, she sends "we're coming".  After another 15 minutes go by before she actually exits the building (I can see it from mine).  By this time, it's ten to 5, the sun is mostly down and there are storm clouds rolling in.  So we (and another mum who friend invited) tromp through the snow and slush to go to a playground that our kids are too young for, stay for a bit and come home.  Complete waste of time.

I'm so pissed at myself.  The little monster was in such a good mood at 2:30.  It was sunny and really warm, and I could have just taken him out.  I didn't because I was waiting around.  And by the time we finally left, I had no interest in going.  I just wanted to go back inside. But I convinced myself that having a happy mummy will be better for the monster in the long run, and I thought if I could make a friend, I'd be happier.  But really, I feel like shit.  I feel like shit because I let two people in two days walk all over me, and didn't say anything.  Because I'm so fucking desperate, that I'll put up with anything.  Like high school, but worse.

I'm not ok.  I'm not, and it's scary.  I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it, except for Mr. Wolfman, who, because he's wonderful, tries everything to make me feel better, including unintentionally gaslighting me by trying to convince me that my only issue is sleep deprivation.  Which it isn't.

I ended this here, because Mr. Wolfman came home. I'm posting it now, because I have a happier blog to write.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Growing Too Fast

When the little monster was born, we were given this book which is all about kids, from newborn until (I think) age 4.  It has all sorts of handy stuff, like what baby poop should look like, how and when to introduce solids, etc., etc.  Each section has a little checklist of developmental milestones the child should reach in a given time span (0-3 months, 3-6, etc.).

As well as being ridiculously big, my little monster has already hit every milestone from 0-6 months, and several of the ones on the 6-12 month list.

Don't get me wrong; I'm beyond thrilled to have a happy, healthy, thriving baby, who seems to be (as I'm sure all babies seem to be to their parents) a complete genius.... but between this and the fact that it seems like every day I'm finding one more piece of clothing that's suddenly too small, I'm really starting to understand what people mean when they say your children's childhood goes by fast.

He's too big for his play yard.  He pinwheels in his sleep, and now he gets stuck because he's longer than the play yard is wide.  And the 'mattress' sags in the middle now, because he's too damn heavy (the crib is in the closet, the new mattress is in the mail.  It'll be set up in a week)... I mentioned before that he hangs off my lap when he nurses.  I haven't used the nursing pillow since he was about 2 months.  The hat that I started a couple weeks ago and finished making him today is already too small.

I feel so mushy and sentimental.  One of my favourite onesies made it into the too small pile today, and another one has maybe a week or two left before I'll have to admit defeat and add it as well.

Anyway, I should be cleaning instead of writing this.  The monster is getting his beauty sleep (not that the handsome little devil needs it), but he'll be up soon, I'm sure.

4 Month Check-up & Shots

The little monster is doing great and took his shots like a champ.  He cried, of course, but he was laughing and smiling by the end of the visit.

Also, he really is a monster; 75th percentile for weight, 90th for height.  That explains why he hangs off my lap when nursing.  Also, why he eats so damn much.

I was a bit disappointed that the community health nurse seemed to be rushing us toward the door.  I had a couple of things I really wanted to talk to her about: starting solids in a couple of months and my complete lack of control over my emotions.

Dr. Illegible had more time for us, but his recommendation re: solids was to talk to the public health nurse, as they have all the literature.  I lost my nerve and didn't bring up possible PPD.  And since I still have pregnancy brain, I forgot to get a new prescription for my thyroid meds (forgetting to take these might well be a contributing factor to my emotional state and - fun fact - my forgetfulness).

I was going to make this post a bit of a rant against the anti-vax movement, but I just don't have the energy right now.  LM has been fussing all day and is finally asleep, and I should at least attempt to tidy some stuff before he wakes up.