A Kind of Big Update

I haven't posted for a while. For once, that's been intentional. I have one IRL friend who knows about this blog and I wanted to talk to him IRL before having him read it on here. I didn't think I could post about the monster and my day-to-day without spilling the beans, as it were.

So yes, as you've likely guessed from my none-too-subtle introduction, I'm pregnant again :) Mr. Wolfman and I are very, very excited. The Monster likes babies as a general rule, but I'm thinking he still doesn't really get what's going on.

It's actually been really difficult not to post anything about this. We found out pretty well right away (I knew right away, but didn't officially confirm it until a few days before my period was due), but I had a sudden feeling of superstition and didn't want to tell anyone until at least 12 weeks. We still haven't been able to reach Mr. Wolfman's parents, except for a couple of brief phone calls to make sure they're still alive, so they still don't know, which means we haven't really told friends, because it feels weird for the grandparents to find out last.

So, to play catch up:

• The first trimester is done. Hooray. I didn't get daily vomiting like I did with the monster. Instead, I just had this pervasive nausea that would not leave me alone. I spent about a month and a half of it on my couch, barely able to move, getting up only to change the monster (toilet training came to a screeching halt), go to the bathroom and take care of food (for the monster). I lost a chunk of weight, though not as much as at the beginning of my first pregnancy. Baby will be along in early March.
• I started showing way earlier this time. I was right around this point when I first started to show with the monster. This time, I'm already in maternity clothes. I can't even do the hair-elastic trick to hold up non-maternity pants. Basically now, I could probably lie my way out of it, but without question, the first assumption people will make is pregnancy. Not complaining about my body, though, I love that I'm all bump again.
• I told work this morning; it was getting awkward to pretend like nothing was up. My manager was super happy (maybe a little too happy).
• Once again, my sister is pregnant at the same time as me. This time she's due about a month and a half earlier.
• We already have most of the necessary baby gear, so we bought an expensive baby carrier, a "winter" (early fall. Not warm. Damn) maternity coat for me, and we'll buy a toddler skateboard stroller attachment thing* and that's pretty much all we need. The kids'** closet is bursting with clothes, so other than special occasions, we're all set there.
• The monster is an absolute little chatter box, he's speaking entirely in sentences and is fully bilingual, to the point where you can ask him to repeat something in the other language, and he will. I'm a little worried about how he'll handle no longer being the centre of the universe, but I think when it comes to it, he's going to be an amazing big brother.
• Everything non-baby related is same-old, same old. I'm still working nights on weekends, still perma-tired, still trying to make longterm plans with not enough money or information. But it's all good. We're getting there.

I think that covers everything for the moment. Now that the cat's out of the bag, I suspect I'll be updating quite a lot more. We don't get our anatomy scan until early October, so hopefully everything stays uneventful until then and we can look forward to learning the sex (not sure why I'm so concerned about it, to be honest. We're not pink for girls, blue for boys people).

That's it. More to follow, I'm sure :)

*I'm up on all the latest terms. Look how lit I am, fam. Lit is a thing, right? And fam? Those are things.
**Such a weird concept for me. I'm still not quite used to it.

Goodbye First Trimester, You Bitter, Hateful 3 Months

Ok, I'm not that bitter about my first trimester - I never could be, it being the time I found out and started to get used to the idea of being a mum - but I am glad that (in theory) my morning sickness is coming to an end, and that the whole pregnancy part of pregnancy (as in looking pregnant and not feeling dumb buying tiny shoes) is about to start.

Actually, the looking pregnant part is well underway.  It's not extremely obvious yet; it could easily be a beer belly or a food baby to someone who didn't already know, but I have a fairly pronounced bump.  It was as if my body went "Well, first trimester is winding down.  The second trimester should have a bump, right?  *Boop* there we go.  I know it's not just weight gain, because I'm still not back to my pre-pregnancy weight yet, and it's not made of rock or anything, but it's harder than fat.  My brother-in-law keeps teasing us that we're having triplets.

I am a little concerned, though, because now I'm supposed to start putting on a pound a week and eating an extra 350 calories a day, and most of the time, the idea of eating anything is completely nauseating. Sometimes I'll get hungry and eat a normal sized meal, but it's definitely not happening 3 times a day.

We didn't make it for the nuchal translucency test because, although we did arrange to borrow a car to save on the $900 train, we didn't count on it snowing non-stop for 24 hours before we had to be there, and we would have to have driven faster than was safe to make it in time.  We did reschedule, but that's our last chance, as I'll be at 13 weeks, and they can't do it after that.

I'm convinced that the prenatal vitamins I'm on (which mysteriously cost $7 more than they did last month) are making me way sicker than my morning sickness.  I hadn't taken them for a few days because I ran out and was waiting for my paycheque to refill my prescription, and while I did occasionally get sick on the days that I missed them, it was like a mouthful of vomit, or just dry-heaving. Today I took my morning one and ended up getting a lot, lot sicker.  I won't go into too full detail, but there was more of it than usual and there were flecks of blood as well.  I'm not sure what to do, because I don't want to deprive the little monster of stuff it needs to grow and be healthy, but I also don't want to spend all of my time feeling disgusting and not being able to get anything done.

Also, when I went to the pharmacy to refill my vitamin and thyroid prescriptions, I found out something a little weird.  Dr. Illegible had prescribed me different thyroid medication, which although it's the exact same drug and dosage, costs more.  The pharmacist very kindly gave me the 'no name' equivalent, which I was already on.  And apparently, after all my worrying about them giving me the wrong prenatal vitamins (although I still maintain they're idiots for not listening to me, and telling me to take two a day), another pharmacist told me that only reason the prenatal vitamins I'm on now are prescription and therefore more expensive is that they have 1.1mg of folic acid,  instead of 1.0mg, and that instead of spending $40 for one month's supply, I could buy over the counter Materna, and add a calcium supplement and wind up paying $50 for 3 months worth.  I didn't do that this time, because I want to double check with Dr. Illegible, but I'm kind of nervous as it seems like both he and Dr. Crazypants are happy to prescribe something that's more expensive, and it makes me wonder if they get kickbacks or something.

Anyway, that's it for my 12 week update.  I hope the next 12 are as interesting, if a little less sick-making :)


 

The Prenatal that Was

I had my prenatal exam today.

After yesterday, I was a little on edge, but it all went fairly smoothly.  Dr. Crazypants wasn't there, and Dr. Illegible took her place and actually apologized for not being able to see me yesterday.

I won't bore you with the details.  He asked a bunch of questions, attacked me with a ratcheting plastic duck head and felt me up a bit.  I found the presence of the poster on the ceiling both amusing and a little dark.  My thyroid levels are now almost normal, and everything else is good and normal and as it should be.

The only annoying thing is the Nuchal translucency.  He talked to us at length about this and pointed out that if I'm not planning to do an amniocentesis test, regardless of the results of the nuchal translucency, there isn't really much point in getting it done, since it's inconclusive anyway, and I would just spend my pregnancy worrying, if it did reveal a higher risk of Downs.  We agreed with him on this point, and since he considers me low risk, decided not to bother.  Then he went to get something, and came back and informed us that now everyone has to go for these tests.  The nearest place we can go is a few hundred km away, and it would cost $900 to go there by train.  Which is just bloody impossible. So now, the paltry money I've managed to save since finding out I'm pregnant, apparently has to pay for transportation to get a test which neither myself or Dr. Illegible think I need.

On the bright side, now that everything with the prenatal was good, I get to start telling people.  I found my best friend online tonight and gabbed baby stuff at him for ages :)  And I let my mum know that she can tell family members now, since she emailed me three times today to find out if she was allowed yet.

Over all, I'm pretty happy.  Queasy and worried about money, but generally happy.  Oh, but tired.  Oh so tired.  I think I'm going to bed.

The Prenatal that Wasn't

Well, the Internet is back.  It's been wonky for a few days, now.

So today, over a month after I first went to the doctor, was supposed to be my prenatal checkup. Particularly hideous morning sickness meant I spent about an hour in the bathroom before my husband could get ready and we ended up being 7 minutes late.

The (I'm guessing medical assistant?) didn't say anything about us being late, just took me back, weighed me and gave me a cup to pee in.

I'm not sure what it is about this clinic, but they seem desperately against warning people when they'll need to provide a urine sample.  Because, you know, pregnant women can pee on command, like well trained dogs.  Actually, the whole thing about pregnant women needing a bathroom almost 24-7 is pretty accurate, which is why I (and I assume anyone else who's been pregnant more than a couple of weeks) take any opportunity to void my bladder.

After about 5-10 minutes in which I managed to get about 2.5 drops, I went to tell the lady that I would have to provide a sample after my appointment - and point out that a heads up would have been nice.

Only now, since we arrived "10 minutes" late, the doctor was running behind (which makes no sense, unless he was planning on having me in there for 10 minutes or less....) and so he couldn't see me today, and I really should try to get there on time next time.  I did explain about the morning sickness, but apparently there are no special considerations for vomiting atomic waste coloured bile into every possible bathroom receptacle.

Of course, being the hormonal mess that I am, I could feel myself welling up, so I just agreed and left, rather than pointing out that our lateness hadn't been an issue when I arrived, and if they wanted a urine sample immediately, they probably should have told me that before the appointment.

So now, I get to miss time from work tomorrow (my boss already seems convinced I've taken a lot of time off sick, which isn't the case, but since I don't take paid hour long lunches and multiple cigarette breaks like my predecessor did, I clock a lot fewer hours), and finally get this done.  At least my husband works a later shift, so he'll still be able to come, which means I won't have to be alone while some self-important Dr. shoves random instruments in me - and I won't have to guess at his medical history.

Over all, though, I'm not impressed.  I don't expect to be treated with kid gloves, but I'm not liking the way the entire clinic seems completely blase about my situation, and acts like I'm inconveniencing them with my very presence.  The ladies at the desk always seem annoyed when I check in (yes, even when I'm on time).  You know what?  If you don't like sick people, or hurt people, or pregnant people, maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't work IN A MEDICAL CLINIC.  If human interaction bothers you that much, maybe you shouldn't work in reception.  

I've calmed down a lot, and we went for a long walk/hike with a friend in the afternoon, which was too much for me, but still nice.  Postponing the appointment one day isn't that huge of a deal, I know.  It's annoying because I really, really wanted to make the announcement today, but I didn't want to make it until everything at the prenatal had gone well, so that will have to wait.

Right now, though, I just want to sleep.  For a year.  Or 6 months.  I think this is the most tired I've been, or could be, and I can feel myself rambling.  I should cut this short while I'm conscious, I guess.

So, I've lost 10 pounds since I got pregnant.

I know this is something that happens to a fair number of women, and I'm guessing it mostly has to do with the fact that I'm vomiting pretty much daily and not eating very much (I missed my prenatal vitamin this morning and didn't get sick... that's the second time that's happened, so I'm going to talk to a doctor about getting something different).

Anyway, I find myself a touch annoyed.  Not because I know I'm going to gain it back and then some, but because this is probably the first time in 12 years that I haven't actively wanted to lose 10 or 15 or 20 pounds.  It's definitely the first time in ages that I've been perfectly happy with the idea that I'm going to gain a bunch of weight... and poof! Gone in a matter of weeks.

It all has something to do with Murphy's Law, I'm sure.

Emotional Rollercoaster Time

It's one of those cliches they like to mock in movies and TV shows, the pregnant woman who's an emotional wreck.  I wish I could say they're exaggerating, but they're really not.

Honestly, I'm watching Despicable Me and tearing up at the end.  Earlier, I had an anxiety attack because I felt nauseated and my husband was at work and therefore unable to give me a hug.  I cry at ads for shows that I don't watch.  I have to fight back tears when it's time to do the dishes.

Logically, I know it's ridiculous - not to mention something that probably every pregnant woman experiences at some point - but there's nothing I can do about it.  I'm not sure if that makes me feel helpless or if it just makes it easier for me to resign myself to it.

Honestly, though, I think I could cope with the emotional stuff on its own fairly easily, if the morning sickness and general queasiness would abate slightly.  I will say (and hopefully won't jinx myself by saying) that I'm extremely lucky to have a good 2-3 minute warning before I vom and I have yet (*knock on wood*) to throw up anywhere other than in a toilet or garbage can.

I can't wait to get to the 12 week point - not just because the morning sickness should (in theory) be on its way out, but also because Mr. Wolfman and I decided to make the announcement then.  We've told our parents and siblings, but that's it.  I'm a little worried about telling my bosses, but I'm really looking forward to telling my friends and basking in congratulatory glory for a little bit.

The weird dreams are keeping up, very often along the theme of me feeling that I'm supposed to be having a daughter, but I end up having a son usually without realizing I've given birth.  The little bean has junk now, but it will still be a while before we can know the sex.  I'm dying to know, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

My Incompetent Doctor (Part 2)

A couple of weeks after meeting my doctor and getting my blood taken*, I got a call from the clinic, informing me I needed to come in to discuss the results of my tests with the doctor.

My first panicked thought was that the blood test had been negative, and that the at home and in clinic pee tests had been false positives.  Then I thought (unlikely as it would be) that one of the STD tests had come back positive, and I was going to have to make a series of phone calls, telling people to get tested.  And then I realized, it's probably my thyroid.

So I went to meet Dr. Crazypants.

The first thing she asked me, was if she'd seen me before.  I get it.  I'm terrible with names and faces. But since my medical history - including which doctor I'd seen last (her) - is readily available to her, and was in fact, open on her computer when she asked, I felt my confidence in her drop even further.

It turned out that it was my thyroid she wanted to talk to me about.  My thyroid levels, as I'd mentioned they likely would be, were low.  I had told her on my last visit, but I mentioned again, that when I had been living abroad, I'd had my thyroid checked a few times, always with the result that my levels were low, and they would test me again in a few months.

...at which point she asked me if this (as in, right then) was the first time I'd known about my thyroid levels being low, and if I'd ever had this before.  I told her, again, I haven't ever been diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, but that they'd been checking my levels over several months, that they were always low, and that (as I'd told her on my previous visit) my mother has severe issues with her thyroid and has since before I was born.

She decided (and luckily, I've done enough research about this to believe she made the right decision, since I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable just taking her word for it) that I should be medicated immediately.  I asked her if there was any risk to the baby, and she kind of half-laughed and said the risk would be a lot worse if I wasn't medicated.  She started to tell me what the risks were if I didn't get medicated, then stopped herself, told me she didn't want to scare me and suggested I google it.  Because we all know there won't be any hyperbolic, half-assed, fear-mongering articles about this online.  It's much better for me to get my information there than from, say, an actual doctor.

(I did google it, and it is scary.  Unmedicated, I could end up with a baby with severe developmental delays and poor motor skills.  Just makes me realize how lucky my siblings and I are, since my mother wasn't medicated for three of us)

The next step was figuring out the dose I should be on.  She asked my weight and I told her (136 lbs), and said that, although I wasn't sure if it mattered at all, I had lost 4 lbs in about a week.  Her response?  Since I've had more than a 20% weight loss, I should definitely be medicated right away.

A couple of things.  The reason I mention my specific weight on here, and the amount I lost, is to illustrate that this is in no way (and no one who has even a basic understanding of fractions could think it was) anything close to a 20% loss in weight.  Even without a calculator, and sucking at math myself, I can tell you it's a less than 4% loss.  With a calculator, 2.86%.   The other thing, Hypothyroidism (which is what I have, though Dr. Crazypants seems like she'll be damned before actually uttering anything approximating a medical term in front of a layman) is a result of my thyroid gland not producing enough thyroid hormone, which is what regulates one's metabolism.  My metabolism therefore runs slower than it should, and the most obvious symptom of this is, in fact, weight gain.  A 20% weight loss (apart from bringing me to an entirely skeletal 112 lbs) would suggest that putting me on medication to help my metabolism work faster, would be pretty much the worst thing anyone could ever suggest.

Luckily, the doctor decided to do exactly what I would have, and I what I consider reasonable, which is to put me on the lowest dose of thyroid boosting drug, then get bloodwork done ahead of my prenatal visit, so they can reassess and increase the dose if necessary.  She told that the side effects are dizziness and palpitations, and that since I'm on prenatal vitamins, I should talk to the pharmacist about when the best time to take them would be.

Next she asked about morning sickness and if it was interfering with my day to day life.  I explained that it was, but I would rather not be medicated unless it gets really bad, because I'm paranoid after the whole thing with Thalidomide. She had no idea what I was talking about.  For anyone who doesn't know, you can read all about it here.  The Teal Deer version is that it is a drug used for a bunch of different things, but prescribed as a morning sickness drug in the late 50s.  It caused massive birth defects, including children born with missing or deformed limbs. Apparently, only about 40-50% of children born with these defects survived.  I can understand why someone might not know that, but I can't really wrap my head around why a doctor wouldn't.  I mean, isn't that a cautionary tale they tell people in their first year of medical school?  It is seriously disconcerting to have to explain something like this to the doctor who is supposed to be helping you through your pregnancy.

Once I had explained it to her, she looked horrified and asked, "But why did they give it to them, then?"  So I (I think remarkably calmly) explained that they didn't know that it caused birth defects yet when they were giving it to pregnant women.

After all of the previous insanity, I was ready to get out of there, but she asked if I had any questions, and since I'm concerned that I'm not getting enough calcium in my diet, I asked about this.  The reason I don't think I get enough calcium is that I can't have dairy without getting sick.  Her solution? Yogurt.  When I explained I can't eat yogurt, her next suggestion was cheese.  When I finally managed to convince her that no, I can't eat any dairy, she looked puzzled, and eventually suggested I eat more chicken.

Sometime after I left, I headed over to the pharmacy to pick up my new drugs.  I was so happy to get the gentleman pharmacist from my last visit.  He mentioned a few things which Dr. Crazypants had neglected to. The main one being that hypothyroidism is a life-long condition and I will likely have to be medicated for the rest of my life.  Also, he explained what the thyroid gland does, and how the medication effects it, what the side effects are (interestingly, he told me different ones than she did, though so far I haven't had any that I've noticed).

One thing he didn't mention (although he did give me a helpful hand out with this info on it, which is how I found out) is that one of the main things that the drug I'm on (Levothyroxine Sodium) causes is... wait for it... calcium deficiency.  So, yeah.  After that whole, pointless conversation wherein I expressed my concern that I'm not getting enough calcium (interestingly, whether I get enough or not, the baby will get enough.... it's just that if it's not in my diet, it will come directly from my bones), the doctor didn't think to mention that the drug I'm about to start taking - and keep taking for the rest of my life - could cause a normal person, one who does get calcium in their diet, to become calcium deficient.

 Again, I can see two possible explanations as to why she omits as much info as she does.  Either she doesn't think I need to know or that I can understand these things - or she doesn't know them herself.

Yeah, definitely time to switch doctors.


*I said before that the male pharmacist was the only professional I've dealt with that I've been happy with, but I completely forgot the very helpful, friendly and professional lab technician who took my blood etc. the day after I met the doctor.  She had dreadlocks down past her ass and spacers in her ears, which I mention only because you would never see that in my home town or in any other town where I've had cause to visit a hospital and it's nice that she has that freedom here.  When I explained that I fainted the last time I had my blood taken sitting up, she had my lie down, and even used a butterfly (they use these for babies, and they barely hurt at all).  I'm don't actually have an issue with the idea of having my blood taken, the fainting thing took me completely by surprise, but she kept up a steady stream of chatter and had me wiggle my toes, to keep me distracted while she was taking it, then kept me lying down for a couple minutes afterward, to make sure I stayed conscious.

An Annoying Trip to the Pharmacy

After meeting my doctor, and getting prescribed prenatal vitamins, I set off to the pharmacy (there is only one in my town) to pick up my prescription.  One of the few things my doctor had explained to me was the way the vitamins work.  There is an AM one and a PM one.  The AM one has iron, folic acid and a bunch of vitamins, the PM one has calcium and a bunch of different vitamins.

When I got up to the counter, I handed over my prescription to a lady who looked at it, and after a minute said, "Oh, you can just get these over the counter."

I thought it was a bit weird that I'd been prescribed over the counter meds, but with all the other weirdness with my doctor, I thought it was pretty much par for the course.  I picked up the only prenatal vitamins in the area the pharmacist had directed me to, and headed for the checkout, reading the label as I went.

Thinking it was a bit odd that the package made no mention of there being two separate pills, I looked a bit closer and realized that the name of the product I had been given was different than the one I'd been prescribed.  I figured they were the same, and that it just came down to branding, but I wanted to double check.

After being ignored for a while at the pharmacy counter, the same pharmacist came over, and I explained to her about the two different pills and asked if what she'd recommended to me was actually the same.  She called over another pharmacist, and told her that I wanted to know how often I needed to take the pills.  The other pharmacist came over, and I explained it all to her, since clearly the first one had told her the wrong thing.  She took my prescription paper, looked at it for a minute and said, "Oh, this means she wants you to take it twice a day.  She'll probably reduce it later."

Rather than trying to explain a third time that there should be two different kinds of pills for me to take, I pointed out that it's a different product and that I thought the over the counter one was the wrong thing.  She checked again, and then said that they would have to order it in, but she did admit that it was probably better if I actually got what had been prescribed to me.

I don't know what happens to mothers who ingest twice as many prenatal vitamins as they're supposed to, but I would hazard a guess that it can't be good.  I assume that by and large, prenatal vitamins are similar enough that I probably would have been OK with the over the counter ones... but the fact that the pharmacists were so dismissive, so inconvenienced by me and so unabashedly lazy, that they would have happily sent me away to take two of the wrong things a day rather than take the time to listen to me (or, you know, read the prescription), scares the hell out of me.  It kind of makes you wonder how many other people they've done that to, and with what kind of more serious medication.

I didn't go back the next day to fill my prescription as planned because my first serious morning sickness hit, and I spent that day sleeping on my bathroom floor and vomiting intermittently.

When I did go back to the pharmacy, there was a different pharmacist there, who explained more specifically when the best time to take each pill was, why these were the best times, and possible side effects (none of which the doctor had mentioned), including constipation and dark stool.  He didn't congratulate me on my pregnancy (which I didn't expect), but did give me a fond, knowing smile, which suggested that he'd like to congratulate me, but didn't want to overstep - which I thought was very nice.  So far, he's the only professional that I've been impressed with.  I hope that changes, and I find some more people to have confidence in.