PPD? & Online Support

My birth board isn't a support group - but boy do they know how to act like one.

I posted on there, because I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm probably suffering from PPD or PPA and I need help.

Yesterday, I got incredibly angry at the little monster for no reason.  Like, wanting to hit something, fists clenching into balls angry.  I shouted at him.  He didn't cry.  I would have broken down and sobbed if he had, but in a way it made it worse, him being all small and stoic.

This wasn't the first time I'd gotten so angry, and there have been more crying-for-no-reason spells than I can count.  A lot of the time I'm great.  Happy and in a good mood and loving being at home with the monster.  And a lot of the time, I'm this other person, who gets angry and snaps at her baby for no reason, the bitch I give dirty looks to when I see her in Walmart.

So, I posted on my birth board, and driven by their words of support and encouragement, I promised to call today to set up an appointment to deal with this.  And I did.  My appointment is on Thursday, and I'm hoping it'll be the start of getting me sorted out.

I need to set something up with Dr. Illegible as well, which I don't want to do, because I have this irrational feeling that he'll be disappointed in me and I don't want him to worry about the monster.  He seems to genuinely care about the monster, and is always remarking on how beautiful he is and telling me to enjoy him.  Small town and a fair number of Docs, so he may not have any other patients who are babies.  Anyway, there's a chance this could be related to my thyroid as well, so seeing Illegible is a must.

I think that's it for now. I'm in a pretty good place at the moment.  Going to fill up the splash pool for the monster, if the weather holds.

Guess I didn't knock hard enough?

So, the monster is back to refusing solids.  He's not gagging on them, but he's not keen on eating them either.

The good news is, I saw Dr. Illegible yesterday for something unrelated and asked him about it, and he says it's totally fine.  We should, it seems, take the lead from him and let him eat what he wants and not worry about it.  So yay.

Also, we did finally get a pool for the monster, which he LOVES.  It's just one of the little inflatable ones, but he loves to splash around in it.  It's a whole event for him.  It has a little sunshade, and we put water that's a bit warm in it, so it's not like icy hose water, but not warm like bathwater either.  Of course, after one swim, the weather turned gross, but I think it's going to be a long summer.  In the winter, we might deflate it, or I might buy a bunch of ball pit balls and bring it into the living room.  I guess we'll see.

I'm in a pretty decent mood, so the post about how my mom decided to Skype me and then invite my cut-off cousin, who'd never seen my LO, to come upstairs and say hi to me - will have to wait for another day.