Conversations with my Husband

Mr. Wolfman *shows me the monster's bunny, which has been missing for weeks and I thought was lost forever *

Me: You found it?! Where was it?

WM: Next to a half-eaten waffle.

Me: It was in the bathroom?

WM: There's a half-eaten waffle in the bathroom?!

Me: ... Yay, you found the bunny!

Clearly, I have some cleaning to do.

The Great Potty Training Saga & a Book Review

It's been slower going than I thought it would, mostly because of a lack of discipline on my an Mr. Wolfman's part. But! The Monster now tells us when he pees. Not when he has to pee, mind you, but when he's in the process of doing so. I'm good with it; it's a start.

I have to give some credit to the horrible potty training book I got him a while back. I ordered it on Amazon, sight unseen, with only a bunch of positive reviews to guide me. It's called Potty Superhero: Get Ready for Big Boy Pants.  I figured, it has a dog and a superhero, It will be perfect. Let me just say, I hate this book. I hate it a lot. Even more so now that the Monster insists on reading it every single time we visit the bathroom.

Firstly, I don't like to buy gender-specific books or toys, but I assumed that as a potty training book, it might have a reason for being aimed only at boys. It doesn't. Girls just aren't superhero material, I guess.

The story, which isn't explained in the online synopsis, doesn't apply to my son at all. Basically, this kid gets tired of sitting on the potty, waiting for the pee that never comes, so he goes out to play, only to have an accident. He learns to be patient, actually pees in the potty and then graduates to big boy underwear. Patience is not our issue. The Monster will happily sit on the toilet for 20 minutes or more, reading this goddamn book. There is a bit of an explanation that the kid knows it's time to sit on the potty because his tummy feels funny... maybe it's different for boys, but personally, I've never felt the urge to urinate emanating from my stomach. Since the only issue the Monster seems to be having is figuring out he needs to go before he needs to go, the vague, anatomically incorrect approach isn't likely to help much.

So, when I tell the story, there's no accident, and both times the kid sits on the "toilet" (we don't use a potty), he pees or poops or farts.

Now, in fairness, I should say that the Monster loves the pictures in this book, and he is the target audience, so I guess the artist gets points there. But holy hell. You can actually see where the artist just said "Fuck it, no one will notice," and gave up.  Like when the kid's boxing gloves change to regular gloves, or when, for one picture only, the underside of his cape is light blue instead of orange.  Or, when he takes off his diaper and his entire lower torso disappears. Like, his legs just come out of his T shirt, which still only comes to his waist.

I guess overall, the book is doing what it's supposed to, which is making toilet time fun, and letting the monster know that people outside our family do, in fact, use the bathroom.  But I will be so glad to see it gone. Just one more reason to keep on keeping on.

My Chatty Monster

Occasionally - well, fairly frequently, someone will post on my birth board, asking how many words everyone's LO (little one) is saying. Full disclosure - I love to brag about the monster, so I'm always a little excited for the opportunity to do so without looking like a self-centred nutcase.

But, inevitably, the person is asking because they're concerned about their child's (usually totally normal and fine) language development and I don't want to be the crazy bitch piling on their concerns by talking about how amazing my monster's vocabulary is.

But, this is my own space. So I get to brag. And going for his 18 month checkup and seeing that on the questionnaire, the question for evaluating expressive language is "Is your child saying at least 8 words, on top of mama and dada?" made me realize just how wonderfully my little bilingual monkey is doing.

So, yeah, I'm going to list all the words he says (that we've actually written down). I'm a proud Mummy. Sue me.

Magenta, he says in English, Blue in Mr. Wolfman's language, Green in both. Orange, he combines the two languages into a single word. These are mostly in order (and no, he does't pronounce all of them super clearly).

Mum, Dad, Duck, Diaper,  [his name], No, Yeah, Boob, Give it, That, This, What is it?, Down, Biscuit, Tickle, Door, Flag, Book, Dog, Moo, Stairs, Grandma, Grandpa, Broth, Bra, Where'd it go?, Joker, Rabbit, Bunny, Gone, Locked, Broken, Blanket, Google, Velcro, Magazine, Magnet, Breakfast, Apple, Let go!, Go, Chair, Block, Button, Truck, Car, Van, Close, Hat, Cold, Cheek, Hand, Elephant, Sun, Stinky, Ball, Bowl, Circle, Clothes, Sprinkler, Sit, Lid, Open, Pen, Penis, Eye, Nose, Navel, Letter, Monkey, Light, Sneaky, Ramp, Whee!, Boot, Wolf, Banana, Superman, Red, Blue, Green, Octopus, Belt, Kitten, Kitchen, Dinosaur, iPod, Ferrari, Mitten, Airplane, Train, Pig, Read, Butterfly, Bug, Camera, Tragedy, Stairs, Key, Post Office, Bank, Cereal, Bum, Nostril, Cookie, Spoon, Record Player*, Click, Closet, Stroller, Walk Dance, Pee, Frog**, Bear, Picture, Crayon, Tray, Pink, Egg, Boat, Tiger, Bus, Finger, More, Jam, Socks

Counting both languages, that's 160 words. And yeah, I know, no one (except me and Mr. Wolfman) is going to care in 20 years how many words he said at 18 months. But damn. He's such a clever little elf, and I really am one proud Mummy.

*His word for this is totally made up, but he uses it consistently.
**Also in Italian???

Edit: I forgot Hair, Water, Giraffe, Chair, Lion, Mouth, Heart, Devil, Zebra, Owl and Goat. So we're actually at 172.