Genius Toddler, Part 2: Umm...

So, the other day, we were colouring, and the monster starts pointing to the page saying "Ah, ah!" He's learning letters phonetically*, so he was saying he wanted me to draw an A for him. I guess he got tired of waiting, because then he drew his own. Like seriously, my 21 month old drew the letter A, on purpose, without help. What the what?

*anyone else think it's weird that this word is spelled with a PH instead of an F?

The Great Potty Training Saga, Part: I don't even know anymore

So, it seems like we've been at this for ages, but the truth is, I haven't really started potty training. Not really. We were doing great with it, and then, I don't know, life and laziness got in the way, Mr. Wolfman and I were inconsistent, the monster mostly lost interest (although he did ask to go in the middle of going to sleep and then emptied his entire bladder - and then some - into the potty chair). And then all my attempts to start over and go hardcore have fallen flat.

So, since I tend to flake out most of the way through one day, I bought Oh Crap! Potty Training for motivation. I read the first half of it in a day, expecting to start this week. I was all geared up, full of resolve - and I was explaining, once more, to Mr. Wolfman that the monster and I won't be able to leave the house at first and then only tiny outings for a bit, he says, "Does that mean we're not going to [fun family event that would normally be prohibitively expensive but is free for one day only this summer]?" So now we're starting this week.

Yesterday, we bought our last pack of diapers. We'll use them until P Day and then for overnights until we run out, and then, that's it. I actually cried when we put them in the shopping cart. I tried to argue that we needed ones with fun characters, because they're the last diapers he'll ever wear. I'm so not ready for him to stop being a baby.

But, the thing is, he is ready. He is done being a baby, and is well on his way to being a rambunctious little gentleman. Today, while he was on the toilet and I was in the other room, he had the opportunity to live out the cliche of the toddler who spreads his poop all over the walls when the Mum (somewhat naively) leaves him alone with no diaper. Instead, I heard a somewhat distressed call of "Wipe, wipe," and went in to find him with poop on his fingers, looking utterly disgusted and holding the offending hand as far away from himself (and everything else) as possible.

So, once again, I'm beginning the countdown. Tuesday, the diapers go away. For good.

Genius Toddler, Part 1: Drawing Things, Counting & Knowing Stuff

So, I was going to do another Genius Baby post, but it occurs to me that my little monster isn't really a baby anymore. He's growing up so damned fast. Maybe a little too fast. Slow down, kid.

It was actually a few months ago that he drew his first thing. Which was the sun. Which I know only because he told me. Since then, he's been content just to scribble. Until yesterday, when he drew a plane. To be clear, this plane is also a big scribble. But one which, to him, represents a plane. I have no idea when kids are "supposed" to be able to draw actual things, He may be right on track, hell, he might even be behind. But, biased as I am, I'm still super impressed.

Also, he can recite numbers up to 6, read numbers up to 7 and count actual objects up to 3. I read that the actual understanding of what numbers represent comes between age two and three, so I guess he's a little ahead of the game there.

With letters, he can read a bunch phonetically, although to be fair, he does get P and B mixed up, especially when they're lowercase. F is by far the easiest to recognize, but 9 times out of 10, he gets U, O, R, C, M & N right, too.  A few weeks ago, he read a sign that says "fox" out loud, but I'm pretty certain he recognized the shape of the word, rather than reading it; it was in a similar font to one of his books. Mr. Wolfman has asked me why I'm teaching him this stuff so young, but honestly, it's because he wants to learn. The monster points out every letter he sees and when we sit to colour, he asks me to draw letters (sometimes specific ones, sometimes he points to the paper and says "Lett-er!") over and over.

Probably my favourite accomplishment of his in the past little while: he now uses the word "Me". Like when he wants something "Me! Me!" I know that one is right on par for his age, but for him to have such a clear understanding of himself and how he's separate from others is so super cool.

It's astounding to me how fast he's learning and growing.

Conversations with my Monster, Part 8.

LM: What the hell? What the heh-ell?Whatthehell? Heh-ell. What the heh-ell?

Me: Monster, don't say that. That's a silly thing to say.

LM: Fuck!


Yep, mother of the year, me.

Conversations with my Husband

Mr. Wolfman *shows me the monster's bunny, which has been missing for weeks and I thought was lost forever *

Me: You found it?! Where was it?

WM: Next to a half-eaten waffle.

Me: It was in the bathroom?

WM: There's a half-eaten waffle in the bathroom?!

Me: ... Yay, you found the bunny!

Clearly, I have some cleaning to do.

The Great Potty Training Saga & a Book Review

It's been slower going than I thought it would, mostly because of a lack of discipline on my an Mr. Wolfman's part. But! The Monster now tells us when he pees. Not when he has to pee, mind you, but when he's in the process of doing so. I'm good with it; it's a start.

I have to give some credit to the horrible potty training book I got him a while back. I ordered it on Amazon, sight unseen, with only a bunch of positive reviews to guide me. It's called Potty Superhero: Get Ready for Big Boy Pants.  I figured, it has a dog and a superhero, It will be perfect. Let me just say, I hate this book. I hate it a lot. Even more so now that the Monster insists on reading it every single time we visit the bathroom.

Firstly, I don't like to buy gender-specific books or toys, but I assumed that as a potty training book, it might have a reason for being aimed only at boys. It doesn't. Girls just aren't superhero material, I guess.

The story, which isn't explained in the online synopsis, doesn't apply to my son at all. Basically, this kid gets tired of sitting on the potty, waiting for the pee that never comes, so he goes out to play, only to have an accident. He learns to be patient, actually pees in the potty and then graduates to big boy underwear. Patience is not our issue. The Monster will happily sit on the toilet for 20 minutes or more, reading this goddamn book. There is a bit of an explanation that the kid knows it's time to sit on the potty because his tummy feels funny... maybe it's different for boys, but personally, I've never felt the urge to urinate emanating from my stomach. Since the only issue the Monster seems to be having is figuring out he needs to go before he needs to go, the vague, anatomically incorrect approach isn't likely to help much.

So, when I tell the story, there's no accident, and both times the kid sits on the "toilet" (we don't use a potty), he pees or poops or farts.

Now, in fairness, I should say that the Monster loves the pictures in this book, and he is the target audience, so I guess the artist gets points there. But holy hell. You can actually see where the artist just said "Fuck it, no one will notice," and gave up.  Like when the kid's boxing gloves change to regular gloves, or when, for one picture only, the underside of his cape is light blue instead of orange.  Or, when he takes off his diaper and his entire lower torso disappears. Like, his legs just come out of his T shirt, which still only comes to his waist.

I guess overall, the book is doing what it's supposed to, which is making toilet time fun, and letting the monster know that people outside our family do, in fact, use the bathroom.  But I will be so glad to see it gone. Just one more reason to keep on keeping on.

My Chatty Monster

Occasionally - well, fairly frequently, someone will post on my birth board, asking how many words everyone's LO (little one) is saying. Full disclosure - I love to brag about the monster, so I'm always a little excited for the opportunity to do so without looking like a self-centred nutcase.

But, inevitably, the person is asking because they're concerned about their child's (usually totally normal and fine) language development and I don't want to be the crazy bitch piling on their concerns by talking about how amazing my monster's vocabulary is.

But, this is my own space. So I get to brag. And going for his 18 month checkup and seeing that on the questionnaire, the question for evaluating expressive language is "Is your child saying at least 8 words, on top of mama and dada?" made me realize just how wonderfully my little bilingual monkey is doing.

So, yeah, I'm going to list all the words he says (that we've actually written down). I'm a proud Mummy. Sue me.

Magenta, he says in English, Blue in Mr. Wolfman's language, Green in both. Orange, he combines the two languages into a single word. These are mostly in order (and no, he does't pronounce all of them super clearly).

Mum, Dad, Duck, Diaper,  [his name], No, Yeah, Boob, Give it, That, This, What is it?, Down, Biscuit, Tickle, Door, Flag, Book, Dog, Moo, Stairs, Grandma, Grandpa, Broth, Bra, Where'd it go?, Joker, Rabbit, Bunny, Gone, Locked, Broken, Blanket, Google, Velcro, Magazine, Magnet, Breakfast, Apple, Let go!, Go, Chair, Block, Button, Truck, Car, Van, Close, Hat, Cold, Cheek, Hand, Elephant, Sun, Stinky, Ball, Bowl, Circle, Clothes, Sprinkler, Sit, Lid, Open, Pen, Penis, Eye, Nose, Navel, Letter, Monkey, Light, Sneaky, Ramp, Whee!, Boot, Wolf, Banana, Superman, Red, Blue, Green, Octopus, Belt, Kitten, Kitchen, Dinosaur, iPod, Ferrari, Mitten, Airplane, Train, Pig, Read, Butterfly, Bug, Camera, Tragedy, Stairs, Key, Post Office, Bank, Cereal, Bum, Nostril, Cookie, Spoon, Record Player*, Click, Closet, Stroller, Walk Dance, Pee, Frog**, Bear, Picture, Crayon, Tray, Pink, Egg, Boat, Tiger, Bus, Finger, More, Jam, Socks

Counting both languages, that's 160 words. And yeah, I know, no one (except me and Mr. Wolfman) is going to care in 20 years how many words he said at 18 months. But damn. He's such a clever little elf, and I really am one proud Mummy.

*His word for this is totally made up, but he uses it consistently.
**Also in Italian???

Edit: I forgot Hair, Water, Giraffe, Chair, Lion, Mouth, Heart, Devil, Zebra, Owl and Goat. So we're actually at 172.