Saturday, February 15, 2014

Sweet Dreams are Made of What?

I was going to try to write this all in a kind of linear way, starting by describing my feelings when I found out that I'm up the duff as they say (or possibly used to say, but no longer do) - and perhaps I will still write those posts and back-date them, so that this blog has some semblance of order.  But I just woke up from a long, unintentional nap, so my first post will be about dreams.

At this point, I'm 9 weeks into this adventure, and it is nigh on impossible to believe that I only found out three weeks ago that I'm going to be a Mum.  It seems like forever ago.

I started getting crazy-intense dreams a few weeks before I found out that I'm pregnant, if I've calculated right, the most intense and bizarre right around the time of conception.  They're the type of dreams I remember having when I was a kid, that I could still recall later in the day, or into the day after.  Some of those ones from when I was little I still remember.  Very few of them, though, had anything to do with babies.

The last two dreams I remember, from last night and today's random nap, did have to do with babies, and I can't say I'm thrilled with where my mind is going.  I do believe in prophetic dreams, but I don't think these were even slightly those, or that they have any meaning other than perhaps showcasing the anxiety I've been telling myself I don't have about our upcoming familial addition.

The first one wasn't exactly unpleasant, it was just weird.  Strange to the point of creepiness.  Somehow, without my knowledge, I had prematurely given birth to a baby boy, and my parents had him with them.  We don't know the sex yet, but in my dream, I was disappointed, because I was convinced I was supposed to be having a girl, and this boy had come along and interrupted my "legitimate" pregnancy.  My parents had assumed, since I was in the middle of another pregnancy, that I wasn't ready to take on two babies and that I would want my son to live with them and call me Auntie, so I could go on to have my daughter as planned.  I disagreed.  Luckily, the fact that he was premature was brought on by the fact that he grew ridiculously fast, and shortly after being born he started to speak and was quickly toddler-sized.  He asked if I was still having the other baby, at which point I realized that I couldn't both give birth and remain pregnant, and then, I don't know after that. Something about a swimming pool, and then the kid grew up into my youngest brother.  The weirdest things were my parents trying to keep the baby (not realistic with my parents anyway, but I'm not going to be the youngest of new mums, so it makes zero sense) and my cousin (who has had 3 of her kids taken away IRL) kept trying to hold my baby, and I had to keep him away from her.

The one today, was truly upsetting.  I wouldn't say it was a nightmare, because I didn't have the paralysis, or wake up in a cold sweat, or sit in my bed being scared after it, but its content was not fun.  There was a woman, who was sometimes me, sometimes a mother of three children and sometimes one of the two adolescent girls in the group of children, who was pregnant, and whose ultrasound showed two fetuses, one of which was clearly an alien, but only the upper torso arms and head, and one of which looked like a lobster tail.  She/I went to the doctor with her husband and they did some horrible procedure where they cut a hole in her/my abdomen and shoved a camera in there to reveal the two babies.  Both were alive, though the lobster tail had morphed into what looked like a duck which had been breaded and deep fried whole, and its mouth was sealed shut.  The doctors said that the duck one would never be able to see or speak, then one joked that if it could talk it would sound like Donald Duck and the husband laughed and said they wouldn't be keeping that one.  With the one that was the alien, I don't know what their reasoning was, if it wouldn't survive, or if it would just be too weird, so they decided to get rid of them both.  Luckily, at this point, my dream changed to being part of a book narrated by one of the two girls, and I skipped the paragraph that described the junior doctor reaching his hand into the hole they had cut in her abdomen and crushing the babies' chests.

After that, it was mostly a dream about the 3 kids, who weren't allowed to talk about it.  The woman became their older sister, who died during the procedure and they kept her rotting in the back of the car, and every day the oldest boy and girl rode their bikes to near to the hospital and got high to try to figure out what happened.  Then the girl decided to run away, and made a fake form for a fake boarding school - A bunch of other stuff happened as well, but my main concern is with the weird baby stuff.

I'm wondering if this is something that all pregnant women go through.  I heard that the intense dreams are, but is dreaming about horrible things happening to babies, or having to protect babies, etc., a normal thing?  I don't know, but if I could dream about something less creepy tonight, I'd be grateful.  

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