The Great Potty Training Saga & a Book Review

It's been slower going than I thought it would, mostly because of a lack of discipline on my an Mr. Wolfman's part. But! The Monster now tells us when he pees. Not when he has to pee, mind you, but when he's in the process of doing so. I'm good with it; it's a start.

I have to give some credit to the horrible potty training book I got him a while back. I ordered it on Amazon, sight unseen, with only a bunch of positive reviews to guide me. It's called Potty Superhero: Get Ready for Big Boy Pants.  I figured, it has a dog and a superhero, It will be perfect. Let me just say, I hate this book. I hate it a lot. Even more so now that the Monster insists on reading it every single time we visit the bathroom.

Firstly, I don't like to buy gender-specific books or toys, but I assumed that as a potty training book, it might have a reason for being aimed only at boys. It doesn't. Girls just aren't superhero material, I guess.

The story, which isn't explained in the online synopsis, doesn't apply to my son at all. Basically, this kid gets tired of sitting on the potty, waiting for the pee that never comes, so he goes out to play, only to have an accident. He learns to be patient, actually pees in the potty and then graduates to big boy underwear. Patience is not our issue. The Monster will happily sit on the toilet for 20 minutes or more, reading this goddamn book. There is a bit of an explanation that the kid knows it's time to sit on the potty because his tummy feels funny... maybe it's different for boys, but personally, I've never felt the urge to urinate emanating from my stomach. Since the only issue the Monster seems to be having is figuring out he needs to go before he needs to go, the vague, anatomically incorrect approach isn't likely to help much.

So, when I tell the story, there's no accident, and both times the kid sits on the "toilet" (we don't use a potty), he pees or poops or farts.

Now, in fairness, I should say that the Monster loves the pictures in this book, and he is the target audience, so I guess the artist gets points there. But holy hell. You can actually see where the artist just said "Fuck it, no one will notice," and gave up.  Like when the kid's boxing gloves change to regular gloves, or when, for one picture only, the underside of his cape is light blue instead of orange.  Or, when he takes off his diaper and his entire lower torso disappears. Like, his legs just come out of his T shirt, which still only comes to his waist.

I guess overall, the book is doing what it's supposed to, which is making toilet time fun, and letting the monster know that people outside our family do, in fact, use the bathroom.  But I will be so glad to see it gone. Just one more reason to keep on keeping on.

My Chatty Monster

Occasionally - well, fairly frequently, someone will post on my birth board, asking how many words everyone's LO (little one) is saying. Full disclosure - I love to brag about the monster, so I'm always a little excited for the opportunity to do so without looking like a self-centred nutcase.

But, inevitably, the person is asking because they're concerned about their child's (usually totally normal and fine) language development and I don't want to be the crazy bitch piling on their concerns by talking about how amazing my monster's vocabulary is.

But, this is my own space. So I get to brag. And going for his 18 month checkup and seeing that on the questionnaire, the question for evaluating expressive language is "Is your child saying at least 8 words, on top of mama and dada?" made me realize just how wonderfully my little bilingual monkey is doing.

So, yeah, I'm going to list all the words he says (that we've actually written down). I'm a proud Mummy. Sue me.

Magenta, he says in English, Blue in Mr. Wolfman's language, Green in both. Orange, he combines the two languages into a single word. These are mostly in order (and no, he does't pronounce all of them super clearly).

Mum, Dad, Duck, Diaper,  [his name], No, Yeah, Boob, Give it, That, This, What is it?, Down, Biscuit, Tickle, Door, Flag, Book, Dog, Moo, Stairs, Grandma, Grandpa, Broth, Bra, Where'd it go?, Joker, Rabbit, Bunny, Gone, Locked, Broken, Blanket, Google, Velcro, Magazine, Magnet, Breakfast, Apple, Let go!, Go, Chair, Block, Button, Truck, Car, Van, Close, Hat, Cold, Cheek, Hand, Elephant, Sun, Stinky, Ball, Bowl, Circle, Clothes, Sprinkler, Sit, Lid, Open, Pen, Penis, Eye, Nose, Navel, Letter, Monkey, Light, Sneaky, Ramp, Whee!, Boot, Wolf, Banana, Superman, Red, Blue, Green, Octopus, Belt, Kitten, Kitchen, Dinosaur, iPod, Ferrari, Mitten, Airplane, Train, Pig, Read, Butterfly, Bug, Camera, Tragedy, Stairs, Key, Post Office, Bank, Cereal, Bum, Nostril, Cookie, Spoon, Record Player*, Click, Closet, Stroller, Walk Dance, Pee, Frog**, Bear, Picture, Crayon, Tray, Pink, Egg, Boat, Tiger, Bus, Finger, More, Jam, Socks

Counting both languages, that's 160 words. And yeah, I know, no one (except me and Mr. Wolfman) is going to care in 20 years how many words he said at 18 months. But damn. He's such a clever little elf, and I really am one proud Mummy.

*His word for this is totally made up, but he uses it consistently.
**Also in Italian???

Edit: I forgot Hair, Water, Giraffe, Chair, Lion, Mouth, Heart, Devil, Zebra, Owl and Goat. So we're actually at 172.

The Great Potty Training Saga: Part 4 - Countdown

Potty training begins tomorrow. My week off technically starts today, but since I finished work at 7am, fuckkit.

I had a couple of things I wanted to post before I venture into town for supplies, but I got waylaid by an email I had to write my mom (may post about that later), and now I'm kind of in a hurry.

Nonetheless, supplies! I'm really getting excited about this.

I've been cleaning up our main bathroom (Windex doesn't really count as a potty training supply, I guess), and I'm going to deck it out to make it as fun of a room for him as I can. Mr. Wolfman isn't keen on those removable wall decals (possibly because he saw what happened to our friends' wall when their toddlers removed them) so I'm going to look for stuff I can suctioncup to the side of the tub, and maybe some window clings for the mirror (the monster has butterflies, but those are going on the balcony door, as soon as we get the lock installed).


The next step is bathroom-only books.  I'm thinking just a bunch of those laminated brochures with different plants/animals/animal tracks. Our grocery store sells them, which is good , because I've just realized it's Good Friday and everywhere else is probably closed.

I've already got Pull-ups for him to wear over his underwear if we need to go out. On my way home from work, I stopped at a convenience store and got a (n extremely overpriced) folding toilet insert that will fit in the diaper bag. I was delighted to see that it has his favourite Sesame Street character on it (we don't have TV, but he has a couple of the toys), which should make him happy.

And, of course, there's underwear. After my (likely short, given the date) shopping trip, it'll be time to sew some PUL fabric on the outside of each pair, then we're all systems go.

I'm a bit nervous.  The "don't train before age 3" crowd has got me wondering if I'm starting too early,  but my monster seems pretty advanced overall, and even we regular folk were potty training before 2, 20-30 years ago. I guess only time will tell.

Conversations with my Monster, Part 7

Me: Do you want applesauce for breakfast?

LM: Cereal!

Me: Ok, cereal. *prepares cereal* Time to hop in your chair.

LM: Chair! *goes to chair*

Me: *does up lap belt*

LM: Click!

Me: Time for the tray. *goes to attach tray to chair*

LM: Noooooooooo! *pushes tray away with hands and feet.*

Me: Yes.

LM: Noooooooo!

Me: Monster, how are you going to eat your cereal if you don't have a tray?

LM *smiling at his tray like it's a long-lost friend, and lifting his arms out of the way*: TRAY!

More about "Boy" stuff.

I mentioned in my last post that we got the monster underwear with little tools all over them. I wanted to get him ones with monsters, but those are only available in 4T and he's not quite there. I also mentioned that the ones with "boy stuff" on them, were cheaper than the ones that were just solid colours. Because apparently we have to be financially motivated to enforce gender stereotypes (I'm poor, so this worked on me). I like building stuff, I want the monster to like building stuff; tools are cool - but since the girl equivalent underwear were a) more expensive again, b) covered in flowers, and c) had little, less comfortable lacy bands around the legs and waste instead of thick flat, comfy bands, this grated.

 Anywho, after a walk to the fabric aisle for PUL fabric for the outside of said underwear (girls'  available in pink, white and leopard print; boys' in monkey, owls and orange), we went to the toy section so that Mr. Wolfman could pick out a car for the monster (I think this is his favourite part of going shopping - Mr. Wolfman's, I mean). He took a while to choose the best possible car for the monster*, so I wandered the aisles and found, in 2016, this:

The "girl" aisle, which was a veritable sea of pink and purple, contained, big-eyed, alien looking animals, baby dolls and accessories (all the baby dolls were white, all of their accessories were pink), Barbie dolls, toy housewares and "girl" Lego. Just the Lego Friends and Disney Princess sets.

A couple aisles over, the "boy" aisle contained Ninja Turtles, superheros, various modes of transportation, Star Wars, video game characters, dinosaurs, astronauts, Playmobile and ALL THE FUCKING OTHER LEGO. Including the sets of just plain blocks. The First Builder Mega Bloks  that come in "boy" (primary) and "girl" (pink, purple and neon green) colours were both there, as well, just to drive home the message that if you want to be creative and build something from your imagination, rather than Elsa's ice castle, you need the girl version of a toy that's actually for boys.

Oh, just to double up on that message, the one thing in the girl aisle that wasn't pink or purple was a blue and green toy vacuum. It was next to the pink and purple one, so if you're a boy and you want to play house, you need the boy version of a toy that's actually for girls.

The one seeming place of refuge, the baby aisle, is ostensibly just for babies. No genders in there. Until you look closer and realize that one small section of the aisle has princesses and ponies and pink and rest has everything else. The educational toys, the animals, the cars for littler hands, everything. This teaches kids that for boys is the default, and for girls is the exception. Also, it teaches them that for boys and for girls are things that exist. And they're not, other than in our brainwashed, apathetic minds.

I don't have a problem with the toys themselves, for the most part. I like tools and cars and dinosaurs and the rest, and my monster does, too. So while they're not promoting violence or animal cruelty or something, I'm happy to get them for him. I also like baby dolls and barbies and ponies, and I'd be happy to by those for the monster as well.  But the colourcoding and weird segregation gets to me. I mean, wouldn't it make more sense to have a Lego aisle, organized by age appropriateness? or a playing house section with all the little irons and dishes and lawnmowers and barbecues in one spot?

I really think it is up to us as parents to combat this, actively. I've said before, I think it's especially incumbent on the parents of boys to teach our sons that there's nothing inherently feminine in playing with baby dolls or toy irons or whatever - and also that there's nothing wrong with being feminine. Because while Tomboy at least sometimes has some positive connotations, Tomina Girl probably never will. Our society, in 2016, still values boys and men above girls and women - no matter how much we collectively try to deny, ignore or avoid the fact. And it starts from the time they're born.

I'm beginning to think that all this isn't just a matter of corporations wanting profits and not caring about the possible negative effects they're having on kids; I'm honestly starting to think that they have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo, and they're intentionally planting these stereotypical ideas in the minds of very young children.

*I love my husband. He is such an awesome Dad.

The Great Potty Training Saga: Part 3 - Starting Over

We're not exactly starting over. We've kept up with keeping the monster used to the toilet - but we've been kind of lax with the frequency of putting him up there, since he seems to like it less and less. Not that I want to be strict. Just... firm.

But, I have a week off work coming up, so today we went and bought toddler underwear with little tools* on, a couple of way more expensive (and absorbent) training pants and some PUL fabric to add to the outside of both, to avoid puddles all over our house. On Monday, I'll be able to pick up his book about a potty-training superhero and his dog, so I can start reading it to him a few days before my time off starts. We'll have to put up his marshmallow chair for a bit, because that cover is not waterproof and the last thing I want is pee-soaked foam sitting in my living room.

I'm going to devote the entire week just to getting him toilet trained. I'm pretty excited, because a) I think he's ready and b) NO MORE DIAPERS.

So that's where we are. Hopefully I'll have a good update in a couple of weeks :) (*knock wood*)

*Cheaper than the plain colours, just to make sure there's a financial imperative to buy "boy stuff" for boys.  More on that later.

Genius Baby, Part 8: Reading, WHAT?

So, my monster just brought me his alphabet book to look at, along with his now-common "Book. Read" demand. 

So I was going through the letters with him and he got bored and closed it. Then he pointed to the letters on the front and told me "letters". Not terribly uncommon, he loves letters.

There's A B & C on the front, so I told him the sounds each makes.  He stared for a minute, then pointed at the C and told me "Cookie".  This kid. He did this once before with a V when we were out walking; when I told him the sound, he said his made up word for record player (which starts with V).  I thought it was just a freak thing, but it looks like he actually understands the relationship between (some) letters and the sound they make.

What the what? He'll be 18 months in a week.